It's a Girl Thing

A Letter to the Girl Who Doubts her Beauty

Dear Friend,
Hi again 🙂

I’ve kept my ears open and noticed that you question your beauty…a lot. I’ve heard you compare yourself to the pretty and popular girls around you, and, if you’re anything like me, the doubts you feel gnaw at you constantly.
Beautiful girl, if you’re stuck in the hole of self-hatred and insecurity because you feel discontent with yourself, I want you to know I’ve been there. I’ve let my sense of worth depend on what’s on the outside. But I’ve also escaped that hole, and goodness, I never wanna go back…Now I want to help you too.
So, I have three important questions to ask you. Ones that will help you break free from the lie that you’re not good enough…but only if you answer them truthfully.

Are you ready? Read on…
questions for the girl who doubts.pngQuestion #1: Who defines your beauty?

What shapes your definition of “ beautiful”? Flawless makeup? Keeping up with the latest trends? Public image? Approval?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then my friend, we have a problem. As long as you let the constantly-changing fads and opinions of the world define your beauty, you will be discontent and discouraged. And you know what? It’s impossible to please everyone. 

Have you heard of Angelica Kenova? She’s one of many people who have transformed themselves to look like a human Barbie™ doll.
Growing up, her parents gave her Barbies™and dressed her in the doll-like clothes, convincing her that she needed to look like Barbie™. Angelica’s mom especially pushed her to do everything she could to obtain the doll’s flawless figure. Now Angelica is in her early 20’s, and she spends 12-15 hours per week working out with a professional trainer. Her mom holds her to a strict diet and micromanages her clothing choices (she insists that Angelica’s clothes be nothing less than curve-accentuating and sexy).
A man-made toy and controlling parents have taken over Angelica’s life and turned her into the image of a piece of plastic.
In an interview, she expressed love and loyalty to her parents, stating that, while she knows they’re restrictive, it would be (quote): “purely scandalous to go against them.” She’s in bondage to their standard of beauty.

While Angelica is a dramatic example, her story still applies us. Friend, if your beauty depended on what others say—on what toys or magazines depict—you’d be changing yourself constantly. And for what? A “perfect” image that will fade with age? It’s not worth it. Instead, it’s time to listen to the voice of your Maker in His Word:

“ And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31a, ESV).

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139:14, ESV).

Question #2: Does “different” mean “more beautiful”?

It’s easy to compare our features to someone else’s and think their beauty is superior.

  • She has such a cute little nose, but mine is so big and pointy. If only I looked like her.
  • She has the most gorgeous eyes. If mine were that color, I’d be stunning.
  • Woah, check out her jawline. If only my face were so thin and sculpted…Then I’d be beautiful.

Whatever you compare, remember to appreciate the beauty of others without doubting your own. Different doesn’t mean better, friend. One girl’s complexion isn’t  superior to yours. 

God made us individuals for a reason! We’re all equal in value and beauty, because we have the same Maker. He doesn’t favor one feature or eye color over another. He put just as much effort and care into knitting you together as He did the next person, and you can rest in the truth that He didn’t fail when He created you. He didn’t forget any details. 

You are lovely because Jesus created you in His image–unique and perfect. Don’t ever let the enemy tell you otherwise. Don’t allow him to trick you into believing your differences are a disadvantage.


Different doesn’t mean more (or less) beautiful.
God makes no mistakes. Carry these truths with you wherever you go.

Question #3, the last and most important question I could ask: Do you have a beautiful heart?

We’ve all heard the sayings before: “It doesn’t matter what’s on the outside, but rather, what’s on the inside that counts”, and,  “pretty is as pretty does.” …But do we really believe them? Do we truly worry about the inside more than outward appearance?
Proverbs 31:30 is one of my absolute favorite verses which says:

 “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (NIV, emphasis added).

Dear, sweet girl, once you understand how lovely you are on the outside, will you examine your heart? Is it unkind, judgmental, and prideful, or do you have a loving, humble, servant’s heart for Jesus? Charm and good looks are fleeting. They’ll disappear with time. But a heart that trusts in God and seeks to live like Him is indispensable.

 If you have a lovely heart, you have all the beauty that matters.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (ESV).

God says a beautiful heart is PRECIOUS and ETERNAL. Wouldn’t you rather have His approval than the applause of culture which emphasizes shallow beauty?

While outward beauty is a blessing, it isn’t a priority. While God loves you for who you are—how He created you—your looks aren’t His main concern. His desire for us as His daughters is to cultivate a meek heart. When we do that, the inner beauty pours out onto others and gives us more radiance on the outside than anything else ever could.

So, in closing:

Your beauty must not be defined by outward appearance. Not by the opinions of others, or the image of models or popular girls. Your beauty comes from within, and when you focus your thoughts on Christ, you’ll learn to value and care for yourself without overestimating the physical part of your being.
Next time you’re tempted to doubt your beauty, ask Jesus to help you remember what truly counts, and work on beautifying your heart. He will help you ♥️

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart’ ” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV).

In the next post, we’ll talk about ways to cultivate a beautiful heart. I hope you’ll stick around 🙂

the other side (11)

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