It's a Girl Thing

Tips and Reminders for the Single Christian Girl

Hi friends!

I’m excited for you to read today’s post because my sweet sisters-in-law helped me put it together. Their perspective as married women was so helpful, and I hope you’ll reap something special from this post! I did the writing, but they were the brains behind a lot of these points. 😉

I’ve been wanting to address these things for a while, but I never got around to it until now—Mostly because I felt no one would accept what I was saying. And, honestly, when I was first given some of this advice, I got pretty feisty. But I’ve come to embrace these truths, and wow–I wish I’d done that sooner. So, while these tips may be uncomfortable to read, I hope you’ll hear me out.

Let’s jump in…

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Tip: Re-evaluate “the list”

We all know “the list”– those qualities you scribbled down on notebook paper under the words “Mr. Right” (or something to that effect 😉 ). And, while it’s important to know basic characteristics we want in a husband, we can’t let the list consume us. Here are a few reasons why…

  • When we get too focused the “Mr. Right” list, we end up setting impossible (and unfair) standards for the one we want to marry. And, chances are, that detailed list will make it close to impossible to get a husband.
  • When we create a checklist for our future husbands to match, it’s easy to look at every guy as a potential spouse and measure him against the list–as if we’re taking inventory.  Sweet friend, your future husband is not a checklist, and no guy should have to be evaluated against your idea of a perfect man. Enjoy the company of other guys without worrying about whether or not he matches a list. If one of the guys you befriend or date is the one, God will make it clear–not any list. 🙂
  • It’s easy to let the list become self-centered. You know–physical qualities, talents, or personality traits you want, and have made a priority, when they’re really not important? If you have a list, make sure carnal qualities are at the bottom…or not present at all.

Ditch the mile-long list and re-establish what truly matters. Our goal should be to date–and eventually marry–A Christ-follower. A man committed to growing in the Lord, and who loves Him with all His heart. This is all we truly need. When his heart (and yours!) is in the right place, everything else will work together perfectly.

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2, ESV).

Reminder: You’re not perfect, and your future husband won’t be either 

Lately, as I’ve scrolled through my Pinterest feed and read blog posts on preparing for marriage, I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern–the idea that every Christian girl is a lovely princess who deserves nothing less than the best prince who ever walked the earth. We’re subtly being told that we’re perfect, and the guy we marry must meet up to our standards.

Friend, the bare truth is that none of us are worthy of any good thing. Everything we have has been given to us by a gracious Father…And the same goes for the men we marry. None of us deserve a godly man, but, if God chooses to bless each of us with one, it would be out of Sovereignty alone. Not because we deserve it.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17, ESV).

It’s easy to get carried away in this “perfection” mindset and expect young men to have the maturity of grown, experienced Christian men…when, truly, we would never dream of setting such a high bar for ourselves.

Please don’t get me wrong: We need to wait for a Christ-loving man and it’s okay to have high hopes for our future husbands–As long as we set equally high standards for ourselves. Remember that he’s growing, and he’ll continue to grow, just like you. 

What standards have you set for your future husband? Have you gotten caught in the “princess” mindset? I know I’ve done it before. Let’s take a step back and ask ourselves some questions…

  • “Am I looking for “flawless” or am I looking for “growing”?”
  • Do I need to readjust my expectations?”
  • “Am I growing?” 

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18, ESV).

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Reminder: Life doesn’t begin with marriage 

Yeah…Mind blown.

Friend, singleness isn’t a waste. It’s not a season of hunting for a spouse so life can begin. Singleness a delicate, special gift from God, given to us to serve Him. You don’t have to be married to have a full and happy life. Abundant life comes when we pursue God, and marriage is just one of those blessings He gives many of us along the way. I love the advice Paul gives in 1 Corinthians 7:27, and while it’s directed toward men, we can definitely apply it here!

“Are you pledged to a woman [man]? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife [husband]” (1 Corinthians 7:27, NIV). 

Embrace this season of opportunities to serve God. He created singleness for a purpose. Don’t waste it by longing for the future. 

The last point is the sweetest, most important advice I could offer you…

Tip: Focus on your relationship with Christ

Single or not, your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in the world. If you’re not running hard after Him now, it’ll be twice as hard to pursue Him when you have a guy in your life. Getting married won’t automatically make everything fall into place. It won’t complete you, and you won’t suddenly become a better person–A more godly woman. We have to prioritize our relationship with Jesus until our hearts beat the same rhythm as His. Until He is our One and only Love. When He is the center of our lives, everything else will work in perfect order.

Sweet friend, if you’re not content without a boyfriend or husband, chances are you won’t be content with one. Being close to Jesus is the key to contentment, and when we learn to be completely satisfied in Him, we’ll be able to enjoy life in any season—single or married.

So, in this season of singleness, let’s faithfully run the race before us. And, as my sister-in-law put it: “One day you’ll look over and see someone running beside you, and you’ll decide to run the race together.” ♥️

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV).

In summary…

Your future husband isn’t a list, and he will never be perfect. Singleness isn’t a race to find a husband, but a race to draw closer Christ and serve Him while you have the time and freedom. It’s a season to learn about Jesus, about yourself, and to become everything He wants you to be.

I’d love to hear from you!

What are your thoughts on these reminders? Did I leave anything out?

I know these topics are a little tricky, and I don’t have all the solutions to being happily single…or all the advice to perfectly prepare for marriage. But I hope what I’m saying makes sense, and that this post helped you in some way…if only to encourage you to keep running and embrace this beautiful season of your life: with your eyes fixed on Jesus. ❤

Dig Deeper: 

Read more about singleness and marriage by digging into these rich passages!

–> 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

–> 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

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It's a Girl Thing

Favorite Blogs and Pinterest Accounts

Hi friends! It’s been a while since I came on the blog, and I’m so sorry! My Spring schedule has been jam-packed, but things should be easing up soon 🙂 Can you believe it’s already June?? Goodness.

Anyways, I have a special post planned for next week, but I thought I’d pop on here today to say hi and write a quick post to hold you over 🙂

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If you know me, you know that I love Pinterest, and I love reading blogs. Especially ones with substance. I read a blog post just about every morning during my personal devotions, and Pinterest is my go-to for about 274903 other things 😉

So today, I want to share my favorite blogs and Pinterest accounts with you! These particular ones always boost my mood and infuse inspiration into my day.

Note: My advertising each of these blogs and accounts doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with everything they say or pin. You can decide which ones you like and don’t like 🙂

Let’s jump in…

Blogs

1) Alison Tiemeyer blog 

I absolutely love Alison’s blog. While she’s a young married woman who writes content for wives, her blog is packed with a variety of other topics.

Alison’s tone is sweet, straight-forward, and genuine, and her posts always encourage my heart. If you’re looking for a good resource to help you grow spiritually, embrace God’s grace, or even write a blog, Alison’s blog is the way to go. Her posts range from prayer and Scripture memorization tips, to vulnerable talks about day-to-day struggles–and how to overcome them. Her latest posts are geared towards bloggers, which is also fantastic…Oh, and her themes and graphics are stunning 🙂

I have no doubt you’ll find a post or two on her blog that you love!

2) Joy Because Grace

I won’t say too much here because I have special things planned with this girl come summer time 😉

Needless to say, you should go check out Kara’s blog 😉 Her posts range from singleness, relationships and preparing for marriage, to spiritual growth and living gospel-minded. She’s fun, transparent, and conversational in her writing, which is always great!

3) Abby Dearest Blog

I just discovered this sweet little space, and I love it. Abigail Rose writes heartfelt, thought-provoking content, and her humility and love for Jesus shine through her writing. I highly recommend checking out this blog 🙂

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Pinterest Accounts 

There’s not much I can say about these, except that I’m sure you’ll find a pinner or two from this list that you love! I always enjoy looking through their content for helpful tips and good vibes 😉

That’s about it!

I hope you’ll check out some of these blogs and Pinterest accounts when you find the time. If you liked this post and want to see more practical ideas like this, leave a comment to let me know! I read several other blogs besides these, so I could write another post about those 🙂  It always makes my day to hear from you.

Also, if you’d like to follow my own Pinterest account, you can do so here! I love interacting with my readers through direct messaging 🙂

Have a fabulous night,

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It's a Girl Thing

How to Refresh Your Life

Spring time always makes me giddy. Budding flowers, bees, endless sunshine and blue skies…it’s like a season of constant happiness. With all the change this season offers, I’m inspired to weed out the dead stuff in my life to let new things grow (excuse the pun).

If you’re like me, your new year goals are fading, and you’re stuck in the same grind. Every. Single. Day. You’ve lost sight of the exciting changes you planned for the new year, and your days just melt together with little inspiration. At the start of 2017, I was pouncing all over my goals and had my life securely intact! That lasted until… oh, maybe February 😉 But lately, I’ve fallen into a rut–physically and spiritually. And it’s no fun. So, today I want to share some ways I’ve come up with to hit the restart button in your life. Let’s uproot the old stuff and start over together. 🙂

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First, here are ways to refresh your day-to-day routine:

Continue reading “How to Refresh Your Life”

It's a Girl Thing

How to Cultivate a Beautiful Heart

When I was studying for the last post (A Letter to the Girl Who Doubts Her Beauty), I noticed two patterns in Scripture that really caught my attention. The first pattern was that most verses addressing beauty speak of the heart, and not the body. In fact, it was almost impossible for me to find verses that emphasized outward appearance.

Often we get so wrapped up in how we feel about our bodies, that we forget to work on the inside. We forget what really matters to God because we’re too busy trying to find verses that convince us of how gorgeous we are on the outside (*which often leads to taking verses out of context). Don’t get me wrong–I believe God treasures our bodies and we should too. But our physical beauty isn’t the focus of Scripture. Spiritual beauty is (We’ll get to that in a second).

*Note: It’s easy to take the Bible out of context to make it mean what we want it to. That’s why it’s important to look at the surrounding passages to make sure we don’t speak out of turn. When I researched Song of Solomon 4:7 (a verse many use to say that God thinks we are stunningly flawless), I realized that’s not what the verse is about at all. Song of Solomon is a love letter from Solomon to his wife. Context is key!

The second pattern I noticed is that God often chastised people who took pride in their outward appearance. He acknowledged the beauty or handsomeness of certain people (such as Esther, Joseph, and Solomon), but He didn’t emphasize that attractiveness. And, when people did emphasize their looks, God corrected them.

With those things in mind, let’s jump into this post 🙂

–> We’ll be going through a lot of verses today, so stick with me 😉

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Jeremiah 17:9 says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. Great news, huh? By human nature, we were all born with nasty hearts, so our work is cut out for us. God treasures a beautiful heart (1 Peter 3:4), and we must defy human nature to obtain the loveliness Christ desires in us.

When it comes right down to it, the key to a beautiful heart is Christlikeness. After all, His heart is the purest example of beauty. (2 Corinthians 4:6). But…what exactly does Jesus’ heart look like? The list is endless, but read through the gospels and you’ll see humility, compassion, honesty, strength, generosity, and so much more.

I don’t know about you, but my heart is a mess, and it needs repair. While none of us will ever obtain the perfect character of Jesus, we can try our best to be like Him.

So, here are 6 ways to get us started…

1) Prioritize Spiritual growth

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen” (1 Peter 3:18, ESV).

Spiritual growth is the key to a strong heart. Knowing Him and walking with Him daily beautifies our hearts in a way nothing else could.

–> Check out these posts to help you in this area! [5 Ways to Boost Spiritual Growth; One Simple, Effective Way to Study Scripture]

2) Cultivate lovely thoughts

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8, ESV).

I’ll be honest with you…my mind is my biggest weakness. Often I use it as a haven for sin instead of a haven for Jesus, and that never ends well. Can you relate?

The battle of the mind is constant and, I think, so difficult to fight because we’re tempted to excuse what goes on in our heads. We dismiss the provocative or ill-willed thoughts because no one can see them. Our sin is locked up safe inside our heads. But, according to Philippians 4:8, what we think matters, and we must be extremely careful with what we allow to enter our heads. What we think dictates how we live, and it influences our walk with God. When we allow sin to build up inside, we’re giving Satan the upper-hand in battle. 

Reject lies, abandon lust, mute cursing or hatred in your mind. Fill your head with Jesus’ voice, and your heart will follow.

 “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete” (2 Corinthians 10:5-6, ESV).

Because our hearts and minds are intertwined, we must fill our minds with good things, so they can feed our hearts the loveliness they need.

3) Regularly confess sin

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!”

Our hearts can’t be pretty if sin is stuck in the nooks and crannies!

I know it’s easy to hide sin in our hearts. We don’t want to get the muck out because it’s humiliating to admit when we’ve messed up…again. But, I’m learning that even though confessing my failures to God can be painful, trying to hide my mistakes hurts even more. It’s like a little kid covering his eyes and saying, “You can’t see me!” when really, his parent sees him completely.

Whether we confess or not, God sees us. He knows our actions, and trying to hide the truth only results in broken fellowship with Him. When we sin, we distance ourselves from God. When we refuse to confess, we deprive ourselves of a vulnerable, trusting relationship with Him.

Regularly confess and ask Jesus to cleanse away your sin so your inner beauty isn’t polluted. God loves you so much, and wants you to come to Him for help. He will never turn you away. He is faithful to forgive, and faithful to renovate our hearts.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9, ESV).

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4) Be others-focused

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Corinthians 4:5, ESV).

Next to maintaining a pure mind, this has to be the hardest one for me. I love serving at my church through music and children’s ministries…but as soon as you ask me to move outside my comfort zone…well, being a servant is suddenly a lot harder than I expected. I feel uncomfortable. Out of place. Insecure. Sometimes even frustrated and down-right opposed to the task assigned to me.

And you know what? That’s exactly what servanthood is.

Being others-focused often means getting uncomfortable. It means loving and caring for people we’re not used to paying attention to. It means minimizing ourselves, so we can magnify those around us (Philippians 2:3-4).

Jesus specialized in tending to the pains of others…to the point of torture and death on a cross. He displayed the highest example of a servant’s heart when He did our work for us. When He set us free from the debt we owed. It’s only fair that we follow in His footsteps. And, fortunate for us, God provided the perfect guideline to help us. Look up Galatians 5, and you’ll find it 🙂

A God-fearing heart will reflect God’s attributes. Have a kind heart. A gentle heart. A servant’s heart.

 “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18, ESV).

5) Be honest with yourself

What does your heart believe? Do you feed it truth?

 “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34b, ESV).

Honesty starts within, and if we are dishonest with ourselves, we’ll be dishonest with others. If we believe the lies Satan throws at us, we will live according to those lies: In insecurity, fear, or even sin.

When we cheat ourselves out of the truth of God’s love and His word, our intentions–our feelings–are twisted and ruined. What we believe in our hearts will eventually come out in our words and actions.

Cling to the truths of Scripture and ask Jesus to give you an honest, sincere heart. Because that, sweet friend, is a rare treasure.

6) Pray for grace in the not-so-pretty areas of your heart

Cultivating a beautiful heart is a daily task, and at times it will feel unbearable. But believe me when I say the struggle is worth the fruit.

Friend, Jesus is ready and able to help you in your weaknesses. Don’t shy away when you need His help.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, ESV).

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness'” (2 Corinthians 12:9a, ESV).

There is truly nothing more valuable than a heart that reflects the character of Jesus. The more you conform to His image, the more beautiful you become…and no one can steal that beauty from you. ❤

Let’s work on cultivating beautiful hearts together, okay?

P.S. For more reminders and encouragement, check out my Pinterest board on authentic beauty. I hope it helps you as much as it does me. 🙂

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